Welcome back to Connections with Eric! In this third episode, I dive into one of the most unexpected parts of separation: suddenly having all this free time and not knowing what to do with it.
If you caught episode 2 where I shared how I stay present as a father living two blocks away from my kids, this episode explores what happens during those quiet hours when the kids aren’t around.
This episode is all about the trap of thinking freedom equals endless distractions, my brief but eye-opening journey into the world of dating apps, and why I decided to build something meaningful instead of just killing time.
Keep reading below for the lessons learned from my temporary return to teenage behavior and how I’m channeling that newfound freedom into something more purposeful.
Table of Contents
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Free Time Like a New Credit Card
Free time after separation is like getting a credit card for the first time. At first, you’re buzzing. You can buy anything! Swipe, swipe, swipe. But then the bill comes due.
For me, that bill looked like seven bad Bumble dates, a couple of half-drunk nights out, and the realization that I was just distracting myself.
The First Night Alone
When I first moved out after the separation, I didn’t know what to expect. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to all this new “free time.” The first night alone in my apartment? I cried.
I was used to the chaos. Kids running around, dishes to wash in the sink, bedtime stories, random errands my wife would throw at me like I was in charge of some invisible to-do list. Then suddenly… silence. No one needed me. No one was asking me to take out the trash. And that first week was rough.
But after a week or so, something shifted. I started feeling like a teenager again.
Vegas for Your Thumbs
I had free nights. Nobody is waiting at home. No bedtime routine. So I thought: “Alright… let’s see what this Bumble thing is all about.”
Now listen, I was in a marriage and in a relationship with my wife for 15 years. I had never used a dating app. I never got hooked on Instagram or TikTok. But this… this was different. It’s like Vegas for your thumbs. Swipe left, swipe right. “Oh, she likes tennis too? Boom. Match.”
Next thing you know you’re having conversations via text about your dream vacation or the last thing you cooked at 12 a.m. Crazy because I used to be in bed by 10:30, now I’m up at midnight trying to be charming to a woman who lives 40 minutes away and owns three cats. What the hell am I doing with my life?
Seven Dates and a Reality Check
So yeah, I went on like seven or eight casual dates in the first 6-7 weeks. Some were okay. Some were awful. And some were just… a waste of time.
And even though I only did this stuff on nights when the kids were with their mom, I still felt guilty. Like, “Should I be doing this? Shouldn’t I be using this time for something better?”
Because here’s what I started to realize: This dating app thing? It’s a black hole for your time and energy. You tell yourself it’s “just for fun,” but really it’s a distraction. And if you’re not careful, it becomes an addiction. No wonder people who are hooked on social media get depressed.
The Wake-Up Call
After about six weeks of this teenage-style phase, I had to stop and ask myself: Am I just going to keep watching old episodes of Seinfeld on Netflix and wasting time on Bumble? Is this my new normal?
And the answer was, hell no. I’m better than that.
So I canceled my Bumble subscription. I told myself: If I’m going to build a life I actually want, I need to do it on purpose. Not through random dates and late-night scrolling.
Building Something Real
I decided I was going to build a real social life, one that didn’t revolve around dating apps. So, I’m starting to host cocktail parties and game nights. I’m reaching out to people I actually want to get to know.
But more importantly, I started thinking about a new project, something that would give me a sense of purpose, a reason to get out of bed that didn’t involve checking if someone named “Maria who is into crystals and salsa music” had messaged me back.
The Truth About Freedom
Because here’s the truth: When you separate, you suddenly get this huge gift, time. But unless you give that time a project or a goal, it just gets wasted.
You end up doing stuff that feels like fun but leaves you empty:
- Binge-watching Netflix
- Going on random dates
- Scrolling endlessly on your phone
Freedom without focus doesn’t feel like freedom.
Finding Purpose in the Free Time
So that’s where I am now, trying to give this new free time a purpose. And if you’re in that same place, recently separated, recently single, or just suddenly holding more time than you know what to do with, don’t let it all get sucked into distractions.
Use it. Build something. Or you’ll wake up six weeks later wondering how your big accomplishment was learning how to filter for “within 5 miles” on Bumble.
Conclusion
The temptation to fill newfound freedom with mindless distractions is real and powerful. Dating apps, endless streaming, late-night scrolling, they all promise fun but deliver emptiness.
The real challenge isn’t having free time, it’s what you choose to do with it. You can either let it slip away on meaningless swipes and binges, or you can use it as the foundation to build something meaningful.
For me, that means real connections, purposeful projects, and using this unexpected gift of time to create the life I actually want, not just kill the hours until bedtime.
But here’s the real question: once you decide to build something meaningful with your free time, where do you actually start? In episode 4, I share how a $15 book about cocktail parties became my unexpected therapy and pulled me out of post-separation isolation—one bowl of peanuts at a time.
Want to see how I’m rebuilding my social life after separation through cocktail parties, game nights, and even Timeleft? Get my complete playbook by clicking here.